Oh being sick in Uganda!!!

I’ve realized how very selfish and self centered I become when I’m sick. I want to be comforted and I want my mom. I become very bratty and I feel so sorry for all those around me. Some of you may say that it’s ok to want to feel comforted and comfortable but I think we have it all turned around.
God hasn’t called us to a life of comfort in anything but him, He hasn’t called us to have big houses and fancy cars. He has called us to lay everything down, pick up our cross and follow him. What does our cross look like? What is standing in the way of us following God 100 percent? What do we need to put down in order to let God have our full attention?

Someone I love reminded me that when we feel our worst we tend to think only of ourselves before others. We forget that God is still here ready and willing to listen and instead we concentrate on how we can feel better. When this person first told me that I was being selfish and that I needed to stop looking at my situation the way I was and start praying for others and leave myself in the back ground, I was hurt. I wanted to tell this person that they didn’t know what I was going through that they had never felt malaria and they would never understand. Instead I said that I understood and that I would do as they suggested. So the next day the Lord brought someone to me that I don’t have e very close relationship with. But she wanted to see my new house and visit, so she came. I was still feeling very weak and tired but I didn’t want to turn her away so I invited her in and we sat at the only piece of furniture in our dining/living room, a table and four folding chairs. The conversation started with many long pauses in between sentences. She is not a talker and my brain wasn’t working very well. Anyways this went on for maybe 45 minutes before I told her that I thought I needed to lay down again. I guess she didn’t hear me because she went on talking but this time about personal things. We talked about the Bible and I tried my best to answer the questions she had. All the time praying for God to give me the words to speak. Our time ended in prayer and I sent her on her way back home.

After she left I realized just how much I miss being able to talk to girls and give them hugs and love on them. Even the girls I see every day at OOH always come up and hug me and when I give them a kiss they have huge smiles on there faces and if I forget one of them they are always quick to remind me. J
It brings joy to my heart knowing that God can use what we see as so small to glorify him. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses and he wants our weaknesses to become our strengths and for our strengths to become even stronger in him.

The first day and even the second day of malaria I was only thinking of myself and what I needed and all my prayers were for Rochelle. But what I’ve learned is that God can use something like Malaria to break us so that he can build us back up. I know that my heart was broken and God is now able to show me the places where I’m weak and the places where I need more of him and less of me. I think little by little God is breaking down little parts of my heart to fill them up again with him. It’s been a hard transformation so far but I know that I’ll be a stronger and more Christ like person when he completes’ his work